June 12, 2008

Caracas, Venezuela - As the world continues to investigate high prices for petroleum, including potential tampering by oil rich nations, Iran and Venezuela has condemn the United States, and has taken the unusual step of both condemning and supporting a man planning on taking a vacation next week.

The Minnesota man is planning a vacation that will take him as far west as Miles City, Montana.  Most people, especially the state of North Dakota, are supporting his trip.

Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez released the following statement:

“We condemn the materialistic, capitalist dogs in America who refuse to give us money to spread our socialistic, inefficient economic society around the globe with aid.  We also condemn the commodity trading scum who is planning on traveling through Minnesota and throughout North Dakota next week, even though we support this effort and wish him the best of luck in his travels on $5 gasoline.  May he die a thousands deaths and travel safely.”

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was even more blunt in their assessment of the situation:

“We condemn this American who is planning his vacation.  We condemn his country and all it stands for.  We condemn the way of life that they live.  We condemn that society that lives on freedom and hope.  We condemn everything that we don’t believe is true.  But we wish to thank the infidel for willingly driving the 500 miles one way and wish him a Dairy Queen may great him at his destination.”

Diplomatic tensions, while tense, should not interfere with the mans planned vacation.  The only exception being Canada which was less then happy by the news that the man would not be crossing the border.

“We got everything they got in North Dakota eh.  Flat land eh? Check eh.  Farms eh? Check eh.  Red River Valley eh?  Check eh.  Oh sure eh, we don’t got some of the sites, but its not so bad eh.  We got putain and toques.  Plus our moneys more colorful eh.  North Dakota ain’t even got no colorful money eh.”  Stated the Canadian consulate.

The official reply from the soon to be vacationing was equally clear:  “As our dear friends to the north would say, take off you hosers.”

June 11, 2008

Minneapolis, MN - As a local man prepares for his trip northwest through Minnesota and across North Dakota, composers, musicians, and fans are lobbying for their creation, or at least favorite travel song to be listed as his “vacation theme song.”

“Some of the songs are quite obvious,” Stated the traveler. “On the Road Again, Ramblin Man, Roll on Down the Road, Lonesome Road Blues, Everyday Is a Winding Road - they are all classics.  Creedence Clearwater Revival, Willy Nelson, Sheryl Crow, Allman Brothers - they are classics too.”

Minnesota Native and folk singer Bob Dylan has as many as 21 songs in the running and rumors abound that he is composing at least five more to be considered in contention before Friday.

The songs range from the very new by such artists such as 3 Doors Down and Miranda Lambert to the classics by Led Zeppelin and Roger Miller.

“Its a tough decision, really,” stated the traveler.  “Though offering to mow my yard or clean my gutters is nice - throwing rocks at my windows at 3 o’clock in the morning is unacceptable - and I may or may not be directing my comments towards specific bands (Foghat, Rolling Stones).”

But luckily there is help.  The Federal Highway Administration keeps a full list of all “Road Songs” on record to help travelers.  Located online at: http://www.fhwa.dot.gov/infrastructure/roadsong.htm to ensure that all songwriters and musical acts get a fair shake in the competitive world of vacation songs.

In the end, who is leading?  Rumor has it Dierks Bentley’s song “Free and Easy Down the Road I Go” and the Beach Boys Classic “I Get Around” are in top contention.

“Though I’ve only made it through the ‘B’ section” stated the travelor.

June 10, 2008

Fargo, ND - With relatively short notice, a single man from Minnesota has announced his plans to spend a “singificant amount of his week long vacation” in the state of North Dakota.  State tourism officials were shocked, but excited by the news.

“Well, ya, sure we think it is a a pretty good thing ya know.  We only wish the bugger would have given us a little more notice.  Not that we are complaining or anything.  He will still get a darn good hotdish, but maybe not the lutefisk.  Just not in season.  But the guys only giving us a week ya know.” stated state tourism spokes Scandinavian, Ole “Ole” Olson.

The anoymous visitor is planning on visiting college friends throughout the state and take in some of the historic sites and culture.

“Most people don’t realize the fantastic cultural and historic sites that the state has to offer.  Fort Abercrombie, Fort Abraham Lincoln, The Enchanted Highway, The many oversized animals - from New Salem Sue to the Jamestown Bison.  The many Lewis and Clark sites, the beautiful Missouri River, the wide open spaces, Teddy Roosevelt National Park - it is a great state.  And not too crowded.” Stated the expected tourist.

“Yeah, that sums it up.” Stated one tourism official.

The state is rolling out the red carpet, literally, on Interstate I-94.  “Oh sure, we are a little concerned that this massive influx of tourist could do some damage to our state highway system, especially since we are the only state that is losing paved roads every year, but we firmly believe that the excess one vehicle will not do excess damage to our roads and bridges.  Or the the literal red carpet that we roll out when our spotters notice his car coming from the Minnesota border.” Stated a state transporation official

June 9, 2008

Minneapolis, MN - The United States economic woes continue and all indications point that the current situation could worsen as the summer wears on.  In conjunction with the economic woes are record high commodity prices for everything from agriculural prices to energy prices.

In the midst of this massive instability, a local commodity trader stated, “screw it, I’m outta here for a week.”

Experts are calling the odds of this vacation happening near 75%.  This will be the fourth attempt over the last six months that the commodity trader has scheduled a vacation and all of those were cancelled with pressing business concerns.

“Sure the odds are good, but in this envirnment, anything can happen.” stated Vegas odds maker Vince Brown pointing out that race horse “Big Browns” odds for the Belmont stakes were about the same, only to come in ninth.

Jirik seems resolute this time. 

“My phone won’t stop ringing, I’m shoulder deep in problems, gas prices are $4 per gallon - now seems to be an abso-froggin-lutely best time to take a 1000 mile car ride to find some where in this recessioned racked country to find someplace that doesn’t get cell phone coverage.” Stated the commodity trader with a slight nervous tick.

Planned day for starting the vacation are this Friday, June 13th.

Experts are quick to point out that the following day, June 14th is Flag Day.  The relevance of which, like most economic indicators, is completely meaningless.

Our meetings concluded Wednesday at noon at the wonderful Pennyhill Park Resort, then it was another train ride with some of the other folks at the meeting to downtown London - this time from another station close by - and a straight shot with no transfers!

First stop was the London Eye - a huge ferris wheel type attraction - one that towers above London right along the River Thames.  The glass capsules can hold about 30 people each.  We got in line and were quickly raised above the masses to view a fantastic vista.  The entire city of London streatched before us - we could see rain showers moving in, we could see the people like ants below us.  We could see all of the major sites.  I could make out Admiral Nelson rising from Trafalgar Square, St. Pauls, Tower Bridge - everything.

Impressive.

From their, we walked.

Along the windy streets to Piccadelly Circus, to Convent Gardens, to Leister Square.  Past the lines waiting for tickets to the newest movies.  Throught the business district.  Past Lincoln Inn (the law district), and to St. Paul’s Cathedral.  We made it in just in time to catch the last half of the Benediction.  The wonderful coral music wafted through the church.  The site was fantastic.

Then out again and through the rain and walked to the Tower of London and the Tower Bridge again.  Someone commented that they hated the Tower Bridge - they are Argentinian by birth and the Tower Bridge is painted in their colors - because they were the last person that England defeated in war before the bridge was painted (the Faulklands War).

A bus back to the train station and then riding home…dead tired…

Woke up to rain this morning.  Something that I guess you have to expect in London.  The last few days have been exceptionally good, so no complaints.

Packed my bags, left them with the front desk, and away I went to Westminster Cathedral, the see of the church in England.  It was breathtaking walking into the building.  It is huge, it is beautiful, it is only half way done.  The Mass was moving - part of it was because it was a Holy Day, part of it because you could really get the sense of what the church is - there was people from Africa, America, Asia, Europe - all dialets, all colors, all faces.

Walking around this beautiful building, you realize how much we take what we have in the United States for granted.  Their was a sign up that celebrated the fact that Queen Elizebeth had been to Mass there - there first sitting monarch in England to go to a Catholic Mass since Queen Mary almost 400 years ago.  There was a shrine dedicated to the matryes of England - Thomas Moore, John Fisher - just to name a few, who gave their lives rather then compromise their faith.

We live in blessed times.

From there, walked the city a bit more, grabbed a bit at a pub, and looked for a why to make it to my conference.  Which turned out to be harder then I thought.  When I asked the gentleman at the front desk about going to Pennyhill Park Hotel in Bagshot, Surrey (real place - really), their mouths about hit the floor.

“That’ll cost ya a’ am an a leg en a cab it would” said the younger guy.  The older and the younger guy looked at each other in unisone and said “Victory Station.”  With that, in two minutes, they had me in a cab and on my way to the famous Victoria station (which by the way I had just come from via the underground after Mass at Westminster).  A pleasant visit with the cab driver, a helpfull ticket agent, and two hours, and three trains later, there I was.

In the middle of no where.

Let me back up.  Victoria Station is a beutiful station from the outside, and relatively easy to get around in from the inside.  The train wasn’t packed, I made my connections - almost without a hitch.  The country side was great.  There were the old row houses interspersed with industrial areas, then residential neighborhoods, then little country villages - the last train change was in Ash Vale - a station that had a vending machine for tickets and an old brick station - locked up, with two benchs under a shelter outside.

Great.

My train showed up on time, and off I was.  About 30 college kids on break - some with their bikes - and me.  I pull into the Bagshot terminal and it is not much better then Ash Vale.   It looks better, but I found out that is because the actual station has been let out as an office to a business.  Not a good sign. 

So there I am, standing in the middle of rural England, I don’t know any one, and I hope that I’m at the right spot.  But at least the sights and sounds are beautiful (wait, was that thunder…).

There was a sign on the door - who to call in case of emergency, police, fire, hospital, cabs, pubs, etc - wait - cabs!

Sure enough, their cab service came, picked me up, and took me to the hotel.

And what a hotel.

This is what they talk about when they discribe “English Estates.”  It is like a sprawling manor house.  The bell man takes my lugages after I check in and says, your room is right up here sir.  Down a short hallway to a large sweeping staircase.  Around a corner and up another smaller staircase - and directly to the Willow Room.

The door opens and so does my mouth.

Exposed wooden beams, antique furniture, old sitting chairs with the curved arms.  A narrow stairway leading upwards to the bath…a very nice wooden stairway leading up to a bathroom with the Tudor like finish to the slated roof, an antique wooden floor, windows on each side that overlook the entire property (I’m at the highest point on the property except for the flagpole), a shower that has an overhead head - and two rows of jets on either side.  A towel warming rack, a raised bathtub, more atique furniture, a TV, and a marble sink.

Wow.

I walked the grounds.  Fanatasic grounds.  Fantastic furnishings.

The train ride was worth it.

Schedules are made to be broken, and somtimes that is a good thing.

Got off the train at Waterloo station and walked up to London Bridge, there before me sat two of the items on the itinerary yesterday: the Tower Bridge and the Tower of London.  So off I went.  Walked the far side of the river from the Tower of London, right along the river way.  Past several of the small sailing ships still sitting along the dock and past the mightly HMS Belfast - the largest Cruiser ever made for the British Navy - it is a big ship.  On to the Tower Bridge, the gateway to London.

I’ve seen pictures of the Tower Bridge, but never knew the history.  It is only a little more then 100 years old, it was built and designed to allow large ships to continue up the Thames river, but also to blend in with the splendor of The Tower of London.

In addition to looking the part, the old Victorian hydrolic system, since updated, is still intact.  It is a modern marvel.  How the engineers of the day planed and designed this structure is amazing.  Lifting thousands of tons of steel to make way for the mighty ships passing by underneath, while at the same time having it blend in with the stonework of the Tower.

After the tour of Tower Bridge, on to the Tower of London.  I will admit, from the outside, it just doesn’t seem that imposing surrounded by modern office buildings and railroads.  At first I was a bit disappointed.  Then there were the lines to get tickets.  Then there was the large crowd around the tour guide…

But soon, I was hooked.

The stories, the history, the ancient stones put in place 1000 years ago.  You could walk the same walk as St. Thomas More.  You could walk in the same room as Kings and Queens of old.  You could read their marks on the wall - where the imprisoned priests and monks from the reformation left their last words of encouragement.

You could walk the grounds and the walls.  See the battlements.  We think of the Tower as a tall building used as a prison.  We forget that is was a full castle and the prison was only a small part of its history.  It was the home of Kings and Queens.  It was designed to protect and defend.  The history was overwhelming.

Finally, the crown jewels are housed in the Waterloo barracks on site.  The pomp and regalia of the royal family.  Impressive, though not as impressive as the buildings that surround them.

From the Tower of London, I hoped a ferry boat down to Thames to Westminster.  A good tour via water of the city.  They pointed out the club along the water that is still only reserved for those boats that helped with the evacuation of Dunkirk.  They are the only ones allowed to dock there and allowed to fly a certian flag - that the captian pointed out on the bow of our boat…wait a minute…yup, that’s right, the boat we were on was built in 1908 and made the treacherous crossing from London to Dunkirk.  Send a shiver down my neck…

Finally, a quick bit to eat and homeward I went. 

I walked.

I walked alot.

Slept in a little this morning, but was still underway by about 9:30am local time (about 3:30 am central time for those in the states keeping score).  Went to the Glouchester Road Subway (ie Tube) and took the train to Westminster Abbey. 

Orginally, was debating - go to Westminster Abbey or not.  It is an imposing and impressive church, both in size and in history.  It has been the official coronation site of England since William the Conguerer was crowned there about 1066 AD.  The church has been built and rebuilt (and damaged slightly during the reformation).  Where else can you see the shrine of Saint (King) Edward the Confessor, most of the King Henrys, and even Elizebeth herself.  All in the same building with other Lords, Ladies, and notables such as Geophery Chaucer.  The artwork, the history, the pagentry was all stunning.  But so too was the Holiness.  You knew you were in a church.  The chapter room where the monks used to meet had the look and feel of a Holy place .

From Westminster Abbey, proceeded across the street to see Parliment and Big Ben.  Impressive and imposing building.  Right off to the side of the building was a little park on the banks of the Thames and in the shadow of the great Tower at Parliment.  Here were men in suits, grabbing a little lunch.  Children from the world over playing soccer under the watchful eye of their African decent school teacher - laughing, joking, playing - and helping each other up, regardless of race - when they fell.  In the United States, we call ourselves the melting pot - but we hold nothing over this city.

Walked back in front of Parliment - only two statues sit in front of Parliment - that of Oliver Cromwell and Richard the I, the Lion Hearted.  I found both of these to be interesting choices.  Cromwell because we did away from the Royalty and all of the pomp and pagentry of the English government during his reign as “Lord Protector.”  Richard because he was seen as a genuine hero among the people, but his brother, King John, was so dispised that he was forced by the Lords to sign the Magna Carta - esentially garunteeing the right of Parliment to exist.  In hindsight - Cromwell to was trying to defend the rights of Parliment - he just took it much, much farther…

From Parliment, I went to the War Room and Churchill Museum.  For those that are World War II buffs or Winston Churchill fans - a must.  Seeing where the war was fought - in a secret basement apartment with people almost literally sleeping on top of one another was quite amazing.  I can’t imagine a government trying this today, and yet England at the time was the only country fighthing Nazi Germany.  It just goes on to show their stamina and simplicity that could be summed up in two words - survival and victory.

Trafalgar Square was next on the schedule - but not before passing by Number 10 Downing street and the Horse Guard buildings.  All were impressive.  The Horse Guard grounds were where the literally the guards for the Kings and Queens were mustered and practiced - right in between the Admiralty and Army buildings.  Trafalgar square was also impressive.  Most people have no idea what the Battle of Trafalgar means or who Lord Nelson is, but yet the square was packed anyway.  Hundreds of people, young and old alike.

From Trafalgar, walked under the Admiralty Arch and down the Mall to Buckingham Palace stopping and taking side trips in and out of St. James Park.  While walking along, I literally saw the “Horse Guards” parade down the mall.  Eight horsemen in full regala - black boots, white pants, red jacket, pointed helment - swords drawn - heading towards Buckingham Palace.

The Palace was fine.  It is a big, impressive, imposing building. 

Then, past the “Canada Gate” and through the park to Picadilly Circus, their answer for Times Square.  I’m not a fan of Times Square, I’m less of a fan of Picadilly Circus.  Too many people.  Too much hawking of goods.  Only positive, they have a “Cheers” bar and was a great place to grab a pint and rest my legs.

Finished up the day with some fish and chips at the Hawthorne Arms - a great little, local pub across the street near the hotel.  The wood bar, the old tables, the good beer and food - all will make for a very nice rest this evening and hopefully relieve my aching feet….

London is a great city.

 Spent the last five hours walking around Hyde and Kensington Parks - the monuments, the memorials, the history, the wild life, and some pretty good people watching.

The Prince Albert Momument was a highlight - compared to most of the other sites, which are rather sober (bricks, oblisks, etc), the Prince Albert has a gilded roof, a gilded statue of the Prince himself, and much ornation. 

Perhaps the most interesting thing about this momument specifically was the protest directly outside of Kensington Park between the statue and Prince Albert Hall.  There was protest and counter protests over China and its treatment of Tibet.  There were some of the protesters sitting on the steps of the memorial. 

A little back ground on the Prince Albert Memorial.  Queen Victoria and her husband, Prince Albert, ruled over the time in history when Great Britian was at it’s peak.  Large swaths of Africa and Asia were under their rule.  So on each corner of this momument, it shows people from each continent bowed down - for “The America’s” - it is a bison, some natives, and what looks like a disgrunted colonist.  For Africa, a camel and various African peoples with special focus on Egypt.  For Europe, it is a cow and the princes and princess of the old world.  For Asia - an elephant with people representing the different cultures of Asia.

 Directly under this statue that showed the Asian culture bowed down before the might of the British Empire, the protesters rested and one lone young child waved his Tibeten flag.

That is irony.

After walking for five hours, a good beverage or two at a local pub and slow roasted lamb was just the ticket.  The French waitress was a bonus too.

I made it.  Safe, sound, in one piece.  Flight landed early, the London train system is fantastic.  I’m checked in and ready for a little nap and a little breakfast…well….I guess here it is now a late afternoon snack.

Maybe I’ll just nap and grab a pint and a bit to eat for supper…

The flight was good.

You would think flying at 30,000 feet in an airplane jammed with 200 people, there wouldn’t be much to see.  I was surprised to look up from my reading about three hours into the flight and look out my window.  The moon, not quite full anymore, was shining directly onto the wing and dancing off the clouds below us.  The shine and luster of that moon and the brightness of the stars made that moment seem surreal.  I shut off my reading light.  I shut off the TV moniter in front of me.  I looked at the wonder of sky and thought about the wonder of flight.

Regardless how much I fly or how much I travel, the magic, the miracle of the flight never seems to get lost.

Slept peacefully.

Arrived in London.  The couple sitting next to me were telling me about the horrors of Heathrow Airport.  You go from the plane, to the tarmac, to a waiting bus to take you to the terminal.  As they were telling me about this, I will admit, I was fearful - airports I’ve traveled through usually have a smoky, seedy underside to them anyway - a lot of glitz and glamor, but a fair amount of smells, sights, and otherwise disgusting things as well.

As soon as I stepped onto the waiting stairway leading down the plane - the first smell hit me.  It smelled just liked fresh cut alfalfa.  It was like I was transported back to the fields of northern Minnesota.   Heathrow isn’t that bad - as a matter of fact, it is now high on my list of favorite airports. 

We’ll see if I’m still singing that tune when I fly out next week…