(Tom Jirik wrote columns in several newspapers in Iowa from the late 1980’s to the mid 1990’s.  This column originally appeared in the The Boone Today) 

Food critics dine at the best restaurants, eat from the finest china, receive the most attentive service and eat only the most delectable morsels.

I’ve been hanging out at school cafeterias, eating from plastic trays, taking my turn in the lunch line and drinking milk straight out of the carton.  Such is the life of a local columnist.  I’m not complaining.  I like it.

Rose Wilson, a fifth grade teacher at Sacred Heart School recently invited me to taste the school’s macaroni and cheese.  Suddenly I was nervous.  As a Catholic school graduate, could I be truly fair and unbiased?  As a member of Sacred Heart Parish, would there be personal religious repercussions if I wrote a negative review?  Could a negative review prompt these Catholic grade-schoolers to abandon their religious-based education in search of superior macaroni and cheese.

Sometimes being a local journalist is a very heavy burden.

Regular readers will remember that last fall during National School Lunch Week, I wrote about the macaroni and cheese at my old alma mater, St. Michaels’s Grade School.  In subsequent weeks, cooks at Boone High School and United Community School invited me to taste their dairy and pasta creations.

A week ago Friday, I found myself seated with Sacred Heart’s fifth grade class.  Dining with fifth graders is great.  I was the most popular guy in the lunchroom.  I could hardly take a bite without landing an elbow on one of the 22 fifth-graders. Luke Rickertt, Chris dekovic, Chris Doss, Abbey Hagen and Cung Tran, all politely informed me that the cafeteria’s pizza is their favorite dish and is far superior to macaroni and cheese.

Luke allowed that the macaroni and cheese was OK, but noted that the cafeteria’s tuna and noodles dish is even better.  Somebody who likes both macaroni and cheese and tuna and noodles must really enjoy those meatless days of Lent.  Here’s a guy who belongs in a Catholic school.

Least favorite meals?  Several of the students couldn’t think of any.  I’d count that as a vote of confidence in the kitchen staff.  Chris Dekovic cast an unhesitating vote for meatloaf.  Cung Tran made a face to express his distaste of macaroni and cheese.  I guess fine dining isn’t for everyone.

Cafeteria manager Diane Wickman noted that crispitos and other Mexican dishes are favorites along with breakfast dishes such as pancakes.  Wickman share kitchen duties with Barb Elsner who does the baking and Rose Smith who handles the serving for the 150 students who eat in the cafeteria.

The macaroni and cheese?  Let me say this.  The cooks at United Community and a BHS should be darned proud of their macaroni and cheese and the students should be darned happy to be able to eat it.  But, since I’m the official mac and cheese food critic, I have to cast my vote for one and Sacred Heart’s is undoubtedly the best.  The Sacred Heart dish was thicker than United Community’s and cheesier than BHS’s.  And when you leave a cafeteria with that sticky, cheesy film on your lips and teeth, you know you’ve had a truly great macaroni and cheese.

I think Sacred Heart School principal Paul Hillyer may have discovered the real reason behind this series of macaroni and cheese columns.  “You know,” he said to me as I worked my way through the lunch line, “it seems like some guys will do anything for a free meal.”