(Tom Jirik wrote columns in several newspapers in Iowa from the late 1980’s to the mid 1990’s.  This column originally appeared in the The Boone Today in the spring of 1989)

Outlaw the darn things before somebody anybody else gets hurt or killed.

The first rays of spring had barely burst through the clouds and they were back.  Buzzing here.  Whizzing there.  And humming everywhere.  Almost makes you wish winter was back.

Moped.  I hate ‘em.

They are the product of a once-serious-problem- the energy crisis.  They look like toys.  All they are is two wheels, a seat, a gas tank and a little wind-up motor.  Even that annoying sound they make is hard to take seriously.

What is serious is the hazard the drivers of those things pose to pedestrians, property, other drivers and themselves.  But they do give quite a performance as they zip around town.

Watch them swing across two or three lanes without signaling! 

Watch them run stop signs!

Watch them play tag with their friends while zooming down Story Street!

Watch them cut in and out of traffic!

Watch them zoom around corners with out looking or signaling first!

They’re amazing!

If one bashes into me nine chances out of 10 it’s not my fault.

Looks to me that most of the offending drivers are youngsters- just weaned from bicycles and skate boards, no doubt.  Hot-dogging on something that runs on foot-power alone is dangerous enough.  Add an engine to the mix and you’ve got a formula for disaster

Downtown traffic’s no place for a show-off. (A lesson some grownups could stand to study.) But motorized mayhem is particular idiotic if the participants don’t have the protection of four doors, a roof and a few windows.

If drivers can’t obey traffic laws and drive responsibly, they shouldn’t be driving.  And mopeds seem to lend themselves to bending the rules and hot-rodding

Some parents will argue mopeds are necessary for their kids to get around and meet their busy schedules.  That’s fine, but if the little idiots can’t follow the rules of the road, maybe their schedules need to be revised.

The new schedule could include a little more study of driver safety-perhaps while safely confined to the basement.

So if things don’t change, look for some action by the city council or legislators.  A few more injuries or a little too much hot-dogging with the wrong people watching is all it will take.  Pressure from concerned citizens will mount and lawmakers will acct.

Snowmobiles are prohibited in downtown Boone.  Bikes and skateboards are no-nos on the sidewalks there.  How hard would it be to ban mopeds?

Or maybe a concentrated effort by our police department would be called for.  Strict enforcement of motor vehicles codes would ensure that all the most responsible and conscientious drivers would have to steer clear of downtown or risk a fine or confiscation. 

So next time you get the urge to rev it up a little-think again.

If you don’t shape up, somebody else may see that you get shipped out.