(Tom Jirik wrote columns in several newspapers in Iowa from the late 1980’s to the mid 1990’s.  This column originally appeared in the The Boone Today on February, 10 1988)

The promotional calendar in our office told me the other day that February is National Potato Month.

Gee Whiz.

George Washington was born in February.  So was honest Abe Lincoln.   My mother-in-law celebrates her birthday in the years’ second month as does my boss.  As a matter of fact so do I.

The Boy Scouts of America celebrate their anniversary this month.  Those of you who are Catholic get to celebrate Ash Wednesday.

It’s no wonder the powers that be selected February to be National Potato Month.  George and Abe only got a day, but the potato gets a whole month. It must be because you can’t sell a dead president. (But then again you never know, some people will buy anything.  By the way, have you purchased your subscription to Boone TODAY yet?)

Some people think a potato is a most wonderful food God ever gave his green earth.  They like ‘em smothered in butter or sour cream.  They drool over mashed, baked and fried potatoes.  Hash browns and au gratin are considered delicacies.

Hordes of Irish came to America seeking fame, fortune and potatoes.

Personally, I like potatoes.  I like them in the ground and that’s where I think they should stay.

I grew up on a farm and we had potatoes for every meal.  They were usually boiled and sometimes mashed.  No offense Mom, I just don’t care for potatoes as much as some folks.

They are neither fruit nor vegetables.  They’re tubers.  Which means that they are roots.  There’s just something dishonest about something that is afraid of light and hides in the ground with worms.

How do I know potatoes are afraid of light?  Because they turn green when they are exposed to it while still growing.

Anyway, before I started this dissertation on potatoes the point I was trying to make was that it’s ridiculous to have a national Potato Month.  I mean what with equal rights and all, the next thing you know we’ll have a National Carrot Month.

Oh, I forgot, that’s September.

I mean, what fun is it to have a national day for this and a national week for that and a national month for the other thing?  The designation loses all of it’s charm and meaning.

It’s like getting a new bike.  Driving it around is great until everybody else on the block gets one.

I’ve been…eyeing this National Potato month designation for a while and I think we should mash the practice of designating national weeks, days and months.